The Thespian

Okay, so lent ended with a bang!! Let's just say that as much pride as Chris felt on Saturday morning, he felt the equal amount of shame and stomach pains on Sunday morning.

So, yet again I've quit my job, and I've decided that I need to go into business for myself, because it has been pointed out to me that most of my problems are related to working under people; well, that's not entirely true, some of my bosses I have absolutely adored; either way, I've officially started my own business, which should give me more time to blog too.

So, my last job was in a retail setting, it wasn't so much sales focused, but I worked with the public a lot. And I think I've mentioned before that I really don't like the general public. Now, I like to think I'm a nice person, and I generally try to see the good in people, but some people make that very hard. Throughout my experience working with the general public I've had numerous unfortunate encounters with people that were such oblivious a-holes, that i couldn't believe they existed outside of fiction.

One such person that comes to mind right away was an individual I had the pleasure of meeting in a past work setting. Let me ask you this: have you ever met someone who's grown up being told their gifted, and their now grown up, and really haven't amounted to much, but they still act like the world is their oyster, and they simply have yet to crack it? Pretty annoying right? Specifically, how about someone who's grown up being told they're a gifted performer? ...ooo, did you just get a shiver? So much worse, right?

This story takes place at a time when I was working in another retail environment. I was privy to the background of this woman, who I will refer to as The Thespian, before I ever met her face to face. My coworkers were discussing how she, a former employee, would be coming back to work, after spending the winter at theatre school. This particular theatre school, mind you, is located in a city that is often referred to as the "Armpit of Ontario" (not exactly the cultural hub of the Western hemisphere).

On the day she arrived, she pirouetted into the store and capped it off with a grand plie. All of my coworkers rushed over in a round applause; and I decided, right there, that I would not give her the satisfaction of acknowledging her theatrics, I would just quietly observe, and take my frustration out later in blog form.

As she flounced about the store, loudly humming, what I believe was, the score from Les Mis., everything she said had something to do with theatre, or her upcoming play: some of my favourite quotes were "sigh this skirt would be perfect for the role of Asreal...Oh my, you know you're in theatre when!", "This is the kind of shirt I would love to wear out one night, if I didn't have rehearsal the next morning"

Then listening in on the conversation between my coworkers and The Thespian I heard things like, "Well I would have gone to X Theatre School, but they only study acting, and, as you know, I am a triple threat- that means singer, dancer, and actor by the way; I just couldn't neglect my craft by limiting myself"

When one of my coworkers asked her how long her upcoming play would be running, she said "June 22-24"...Now, I remember being in my 7th grade school play ("Canadian Pop") that had a run of at least 4 days, including 2 matinee performances!!

My favourite part was when she demystified the theatre for us, by letting us in on a bit of insider information: "Now, I play Asreal's mother, so a little trick we use in the theatre is different levels, or "risers" as we call them, to make me appear taller; then the audience interprets this as me being older...occasionally, in the theatre, performers also use image altering cosmetics". I know what you're thinking: how dare she take the magic out of the theatre for us lay people, what gives her the right to disenchant us with such a raw backstage look?!

I lasted a couple more hours at that job, but in the end I couldn't fold t-shirts next to a fully grown woman doing jazz squares.


xoxox,
m

Journey Through Lent (Part 3)

I haven't updated in a while, and I'm not going to lie, I've been receiving some curt feedback regarding my negligence.

So, since I last left off Chris was in the fight of his life refraining from meat and alcohol. Things took a turn about 4 weeks in, when I was forced to buy him some B Vitamins, because he passed out at the gym in the middle of a sit-up. Funny is funny, but I'd rather he didn't pass out while driving or something.

Three days after he got the B-Vitamins into his system, combined with the weight loss, he started to get a little cocky. One night before we were about to go to sleep he said, "You know, I think I should run in the Mother's Day Marathon", so of course I said, "I absolutely agree, just because you've never run one single distance race in your life, that's no reason why you can't train for a marathon in six weeks." To which he replied, "You know I did a 10 minute walk/run on the treadmill today, and I ran almost a mile, so that times 26...I think it's quite reasonable!" So I said, "As do I! I can't think of anything more appropriate for you to do at this point in your life. In fact, the marathon has an online application forum, and I could sign you up right now!" And of course he then said, "Well, maybe I'll just sleep on it."

So, as of yet, it hasn't happened, but my enthusiasm for him to run a marathon, by the end of May, has not waned.

Everyone keeps commenting on how much weight he's lost, and every time they do he sucks in and flexes, and he's like "Oh, really? You think? I hadn't noticed." He also got caught at work flexing in a mirror; he forgot that there was a client in the back, and he was checking out his pipes when she came around the corner. He was in a position that could not have been mistaken for doing anything else, but checking himself out (in fact I believe he was kissing his bicep when she walked in), needless to say, it was an awkward "Good-bye".



xoxox,
m

Journey Through Lent (Part 2)

Well, I suppose it's no accident that I'm writing this on St. Patrick's Day. Maybe Chris' biggest test of will so far. He's been getting quite sleepy lately, because of the lack of iron and protein. It's only been 2 weeks, and he looks like Robert Downie Jr., just before rehab (with the dark purple circles,and emaciated face). He's already lost over 10 lbs.

I've been trying to trick him into eating meat (mainly, just for something to do); it's not hard, because he keeps forgetting he's fasting, even though he hasn't fully slipped up so far. He's had both meat and alcohol in his mouth, but remembered that he was fasting before he swallowed. Every time I try and trick him, he calls me "Eve" (as in "Adam and"), but I think he quite misunderstands that story...I think I'd be closer to Satan, or even a Judas (from another biblical story); but I can't debate with a man who can no longer stay awake past 8 p.m.

He still doesn't fully understand the rules of fasting, or basic food ingredients. Last night, as he was on his second helping of a spinach quiche, he explained to me how difficult it was to not be able to eat eggs. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he was currently eating a pie made almost entirely out of eggs, and he had been eating primarily eggs for the past two weeks...as in, there's no such thing as "egg-free" scrambled eggs

Anywho, I've got to go pick the pepperoni off a pizza, before Chris gets home!


xoxox,

m

Journey Through Lent (Part 1)

Chris and I are not particularly religious people; however, technically Chris is Greek Orthodox. After packing on a few winter pounds, Chris decided that he would participate in Lent this year. I'm not quite sure if you're supposed to use Lent as a fitness program, none the less, he has decided to commit. Now, Lent for the Orthodox started this past Monday, and lasts until Easter (supposedly 40 days), and with the fast, there is to be no consuming of meat products, or alcohol.

To explain a bit about Chris, I have seen him consume meat from 5 different animals in one sitting. Rarely do we have a dinner in which he does not succumb to meat sweats. As far as alcohol goes, let's just say he enjoys more than a snifter of wine around the holidays. Now, I would not say his drinking is excessive, but he does like to have a few cocktails on weekends.

I think Chris' struggles with moderation all this stems from childhood when his mother's number one source of joy was that her son "always cleaned his plate". Chris is not overweight, but he does have a rib that detaches when he eats to much, and this happens, roughly, six- eight times a week.

I'm not saying I think he's going to fail, I simply think he's going to end up curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth in the dark, by week two.



So Part One, in what will probably be a six part series, will be mostly about the day before he started, through to day 5 (today).


Sunday Evening (Day before Lent)

Chris consumed nearly an entire pig today, a bottle of wine, and half a pack of cigarettes (which is odd, because he really doesn't smoke). He should be in good shape tomorrow to start his fast. My guess is that he will not be able to keep any food down either way.


Monday Morning (Day 1)

It occurred to me that Chris is not very educated on healthy or varied vegetarian cuisine: this morning he ate one plain hot dog bun, and packed another plain hot dog bun for lunch.


Monday 10 a.m. (Day 1)

I received a phone call from Chris just now; apparently, he does not yet miss meat. It's been 2 hours since Lent started.


Wednesday Evening (Day 3)

I had to go to our local farmer's market today to find vegetarian food for Chris, because we are out of hot dog buns, and we have no condiments left in the whole house. I'm also missing a 5 lbs bag of flower.


Friday 4 a.m. (Day 5)

I was awoke by whimpering sounds, both the dogs were fine, so I asked Chris, who, to my surprise, was awake: he told me he was dreaming that he was eating a huge pile of bacon at his mom's house, and when he woke up he was in his bed, in a pile of drool, and no bacon.


xoxox,
m

Miley and Tyra

Not a lot of writing in this blog, I thought you might enjoy pictures of my girls playing Star Wars dress up (Tyra is yoda, and Miley is Darth Vader). They're in a science fiction phase right now, and personally I don't get it, but whatever. Have a good day!!






p.s.
I quit my job!! so more on that later!!


xoxox,
m

Now that the holiday season is over...

Well, I started a new job, so that's mainly why my blog has been lagging...but I guess, it was also a particularly stressful holiday season...And I've never really been one for Christmas; however, I was particularly burned out this January.

Something I briefly wanted to discuss was Christmas Carols. Have you ever noticed that, probably, since elementary school you can't sing any Christmas Carol by heart??

It's not a bad thing, because I think Christmas means different things to us when we grow up; and probably the only reason we knew the lyrics in the first place were because of an overzealous music teacher and her overhead projector.

But three of my favourites this year came from Chris:

3)Are you familiar with Michigan J. Frog? He was the singing frog from a Bugs Bunny Cartoon, and he was later the mascot for the briefly lived WB Network. Anyways Chris was playing around with Tyra one night before Christmas and he was pretending she was Michigan J., and he proceeded to sing "Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my yuletide girl"

The word he was looking for was "ragtime", not "yuletide", but it was nice to see he was in the Christmas spirit

Then I thought I'd quiz Chris on Christmas Carols, and that's where we get 2) and 1)


2) "Rockin' around the Christmas tree have a splish splash holiday"

1) "Come they told me pa rum pa pum pum, a new born king to see pa rum pa pum pum...the son of Phil he is pa rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum..."


So irreverent yes, blasphemes sure...but we all celebrate the holidays in different ways...so, in summation, I wish all of you and your loved ones a splish splash 2009!!


xoxox,
m

The Dinner Party

I guess one of the main things you do when you're a couple is attend dinner parties, or so I've been told. I guess it's true, Chris and I do find ourselves at our share, but there is one such dinner party that sticks out among the rest.

It starts off like a Neil Simon play, Chris and I were invited to dinner by our neighbour (in the old neighbourhood) a French Canadian - chain smoking (as in smoked while he ate) carpenter, and his Romanian wife. Now their nationalities aren't overly important to the story, except that after meeting him and his wife we were able to deduce that she was, in fact, a mail order bride.

She was his 5th wife, and they both went on and on about how romantic it was when they met on a website, and had been married sight unseen, after he sent her, and her agency, cash, and picked her up at the Romanian airport. I think this whole situation goes way beyond awkward at this point!

So the man, whose name was Pierre, was beyond arrogant. No one could say anything without him topping it with a story about how he was better, and he kept insulting Chris all throughout dinner; like mean insults, like "pig-dog" and "jackass". Also, Pierre had a son, whom we had hired to do a roofing job earlier in the year, and we came to find out that he had a rather serious drug problem, and didn't much care for working. But Pierre went on and on about how is son was a black belt in karate, and how we could never be black belts in karate, even if we trained for 50 years.

So Chris and I just politely smiled and choked down our dinners and our extreme uncomfortableness, amidst stories of his accomplishments (like the time he rode in a limo) and his sexual prowess. When we were finished, he turned to his wife and said, "Why don't you show Chris and Mary the artwork that you made, and then you can show Mary your purses"

Now Chris and I couldn't possibly make eye contact for the rest of the evening because we wouldn't be able to control our giggles. But the artwork you ask?? The artwork was pictures of tigers and unicorns painted on velvet canvasses.

Mary: Oh my, they're just gorgeous

Wife: I can give you a great deal

Mary: Well it's just that we have such a Victorian looking apartment, and they are so wonderfully modern-

Wife: They can go with anything!

Mary: Oh, of course I know, hmm maybe this one of the unicorn in a brandy glass?


We did so much lying that evening.


Oh and the purses! Do you remember in grade 7 or 8 when they make you take home economics? Well that's exactly what these various rhombus shaped handbags looked like. And I got suckered into a lime green, fake leather, tasseled number, with hot pink stitching.

So Chris and I went home $500 light, with our heads spinning in confusion and frustration. Never to return the chain smoking, French Canadian carpenter, and the Romanian mail order bride/entrepreneur's house ever again.