Grammar/ General Speech Errors

I was at my city's Pride Festival this weekend manning a booth for the dog rescue organization that we got Miley from; amidst the crowds of people, one man stuck in my mind.

I suppose that I should clarify that I am a bit of a grammar/general speech police, umm officer? I used to have a REALLY off-putting habit of correcting everyone's grammar/ general speech. I've gotten it under control, for the most part- well except for with close friends and Chris.

Grammar mistakes are obvious, but by general speech mistakes I mean everything from misused words (when a person clearly doesn't know what a word means, but they use it anyway), to mixed metaphors, to misquotes.

I'm also slightly obsessive, meaning, grammar and general speech mistakes will stick in my head and I'll dwell on them for days (or years), if I could not correct them. I find the most enjoyable mistakes happen when a person is angry, or overly passionate about whatever their talking about. Of course, after the age of 12 I had to stop correcting strangers, in order to avoid, a well deserved, punch in the face.

Anyway, I thought i would share with you some of my 10 favourite grammar/general speech errors (of course some are recent, and some go year back, and I still can't get over them):


10) When I was 16 I rear ended a Chevrolet Cavalier. It was actually quite a bad accident, and I totaled the Cavalier. When my father was lecturing me about it, amidst his rage he screamed,

"I don't understand how you can be so cavalier about his situation"

Of course there's no direct error here, it was just really hard to keep a straight face.



9) Easily my favourite misused word of all time is "ignorant". For some reason people interchange it with the word rude, in appropriate, or vulgar, all of the time! I over heard a woman, in a fight with her boyfriend, the other day, on her cell phone, and she said

"Don't you raise your voice at me; it's so ignorant!"

What's funny is that misusing the word ignorant, is... well... ignorant.


8) The man from the Pride Festival this weekend. He was on a total rant about the state of the economy, and he said,

"Volunteering is nice, but it doesn't put food in my pockets!"

I thought about it for a while, and I wondered why he'd ever want food in his pockets; you know, as opposed to "money in his pocket", or perhaps "food on his table".


Both 7) and 6) are from my husband's ex-girlfriends. Sweet girls, but didn't really set the bar to high.

7) On the way to a Christmas party Chris picked up his ex-girlfriend and she brought a bottle of wine. After a five minute speech on the merits of the wine, she said,

"So I guess it's a pretty good bottle, but I'm no wine concierge"


6) When playing a game of Trivial Pursuit, one of Chris' other ex-girlfriends read this clue:

"What is the hig-hest mountain range in the world"

It was supposed to be highest.


5) and 4) are complements of Chris himself...he has probably the most brilliant business mind of his generation, but sometimes he has a few speech gems.


5) Chris asked me one day what a scallion was, and I told him; but then I asked him what he thought a scallion was, and he said,

"You know, like 'a dirty rotten scallion' "


4) Chris and I were fighting, and he thought that I was being too bossy, which I probably was; but he blurted out,

"I'm not part of your 'Fun Time Boss Around Gang'! "

Later we deduced that he was referring to me being a bossy child, and the 'Fun Time Boss Around Gang' was my childhood friends.


In my city we have an absolutely precious community college radio station, and they will contributing 3) and 2)

3) On my way to work the other day I heard,

"The teachers of the province are being honoured tonight at the Central Liberry"

I'm not sure if it was an intentional knock against the teachers, but I seriously doubt it.


2) Our Prime Minister used to be Paul Martin, and during our federal election the radio station, accidentally, refereed to him, on numerous occasions, as,

"Prime Martin"


1) Okay, so I can't be so mean to everyone else without admitting that I too occasionally make mistakes. You know how the big line from "The Terminator" is, "Hasta la vista". Well because Arnold Swartzenegger said it, until recently, when I said it to my Austrian relatives, I thought it was in German.


You know, this actually makes me feel a bit better!!

xoxox,
m