Furniture Shopping

Last week I decided that I was finally going to go out and finish furnishing my house. So, on Friday I set out with my friend Tara.

I'll give you a bit of background on Tara: we're roughly the same age, we used to work together, and she has quite a few awkward stories herself. I think my favourite story of hers is the one where her mom was picking her up from work, and pulled up to the front door, and Tara hopped in the car and realized that her mom had bought her a burger and fries, so she started eating them; then she looked over and realized she had hopped in the wrong car. This is why I love Tara, because everyone has a "getting in the wrong car" story, but few people have gotten in and eaten someone else's dinner.

So, we both kind of kick it up a notch on the "awkward adventure" scale when we're together; and Friday was no exception.

At store #1, as soon as we walk in we set off the loudest security alarm I've ever heard; I guess, because Tara was wearing an Old Navy cardigan, and the front door sensors didn't care for that. We browsed the whole store, and I couldn't find anything I wanted, so we headed out. On our way out we walked by the most hideous corduroy, tiger stripped couch; so I stared making fun of it; little did I know that there was a sales woman 2 feet behind me wearing a corduroy tiger stripped shirt; in the midst of my "Who would EVER think corduroy tiger stripe looks pretty?" taunting, I turned around and the saleswoman threw me a tight lipped smile, did a 180 and briskly walked away.

At store #2, there was also nothing that interested me, until we ran into a display of the weirdest looking candles I had ever seen. Tara saw them first and yelled out (Tara is one of 8 kids in her family, so sometimes she really yells, and she doesn't realize she's doing it), "Hey, look! Those candles look like balls!". Just then a tiny old German saleswoman walked around the corner; misinterpreting what Tara had just yelled, the woman said "They're non-drip too". At this point I am doing everything possible to not make eye contact with Tara, or the ball candles, because if I did, I would completely loose my shit! But now Tara felt busted, and she started to get flustered with embarrassment, so she blurted out, "They're exquisite! I'll take these ones!", and grabbed a pair of neon green ball candles, which were surprisingly expensive.

We then decided that we had had enough furniture shopping for one day; so we went home, with zero new furnishings, two stores I can never go back to, and one pair of neon green, non-drip, testicandles.

xoxox,
m