The Dinner Party

I guess one of the main things you do when you're a couple is attend dinner parties, or so I've been told. I guess it's true, Chris and I do find ourselves at our share, but there is one such dinner party that sticks out among the rest.

It starts off like a Neil Simon play, Chris and I were invited to dinner by our neighbour (in the old neighbourhood) a French Canadian - chain smoking (as in smoked while he ate) carpenter, and his Romanian wife. Now their nationalities aren't overly important to the story, except that after meeting him and his wife we were able to deduce that she was, in fact, a mail order bride.

She was his 5th wife, and they both went on and on about how romantic it was when they met on a website, and had been married sight unseen, after he sent her, and her agency, cash, and picked her up at the Romanian airport. I think this whole situation goes way beyond awkward at this point!

So the man, whose name was Pierre, was beyond arrogant. No one could say anything without him topping it with a story about how he was better, and he kept insulting Chris all throughout dinner; like mean insults, like "pig-dog" and "jackass". Also, Pierre had a son, whom we had hired to do a roofing job earlier in the year, and we came to find out that he had a rather serious drug problem, and didn't much care for working. But Pierre went on and on about how is son was a black belt in karate, and how we could never be black belts in karate, even if we trained for 50 years.

So Chris and I just politely smiled and choked down our dinners and our extreme uncomfortableness, amidst stories of his accomplishments (like the time he rode in a limo) and his sexual prowess. When we were finished, he turned to his wife and said, "Why don't you show Chris and Mary the artwork that you made, and then you can show Mary your purses"

Now Chris and I couldn't possibly make eye contact for the rest of the evening because we wouldn't be able to control our giggles. But the artwork you ask?? The artwork was pictures of tigers and unicorns painted on velvet canvasses.

Mary: Oh my, they're just gorgeous

Wife: I can give you a great deal

Mary: Well it's just that we have such a Victorian looking apartment, and they are so wonderfully modern-

Wife: They can go with anything!

Mary: Oh, of course I know, hmm maybe this one of the unicorn in a brandy glass?


We did so much lying that evening.


Oh and the purses! Do you remember in grade 7 or 8 when they make you take home economics? Well that's exactly what these various rhombus shaped handbags looked like. And I got suckered into a lime green, fake leather, tasseled number, with hot pink stitching.

So Chris and I went home $500 light, with our heads spinning in confusion and frustration. Never to return the chain smoking, French Canadian carpenter, and the Romanian mail order bride/entrepreneur's house ever again.